The Vincent Boys by Abbi Glines

The Vincent Boys (The Vincent Boys, #1)

Ashton is getting tired of being good, of impressing her parents and playing ideal girlfriend to Sawyer Vincent. Sawyer is perfect, a regular Prince Charming, but when he leaves town for the summer, it’s his cousin Beau who catches Ashton’s eye. Beau is the sexiest guy she’s ever seen, and even though he’s dangerous, Ashton is drawn to him.

Beau loves his cousin like a brother, so the last thing he wants to do is make a move on Sawyer’s girl. Ashton is off-limits, absolutely. That’s why he does his best to keep his distance, even though he’s been in love with her forever. When Ashton wants to rekindle their childhood friendship in Sawyer’s absence, Beau knows he should say no.

Ashton and Beau don’t want to hurt Sawyer. But the more they try to stay away from each other, the more intense their urges become. It’s getting way too hard to resist….

Alright, allow me to rephrase this synopsis so it’s more correct:

Ashton: Whoa, Beau is so hot.

Beau: Whoa, Ashton’s such a babe.

Ashton: I have 0.02% of a personality

Beau: I’m totally an original character there have been about 10,000,000 like me

Ashton: Lol Sawyer’s out of town. Lol I’m a virgin.

Beau: i’m very hormonal

Ashton: omg my grandma just died. Is this tissue enough for two tears.

Beau: wow her grandma died

Ashton: well, I’ll just lose my virginity to my boyfriend’s cousin

also my grandma just died

Beau: A girl wants to have sex? Cool. also her grandma just died.

Ashton: Wow I totally don’t even feel bad about my grandma anymore that was the worst 0.2 seconds of my life thanks for helping me with my terrible grief

Beau: no problem hot stuff

Ashton: oh Beau stop it you

Beau: Wanna have sex again

Ashton: ok

I kid you not, that was the book. It started out pretty swoon-worthy, I have to admit. But not because of Ashton…no she wins the

WorST MaiN CharACTEr EVeR AwaRD!1!111!!!!!!!!!!1111!111!!!!1!!

It was swoon-worthy because of Beau. I mean as unoriginal as a character he is, no girl can lie, he’s still pretty amazing. Except he needs to learn how to control his hormones. They both do. Every page was them discovering the world of “keeping it in your pants.” Or even, “keeping your pants on.” A senior citizen with bladder control problems has better control of their bladder than these two have control of their hormones. Ew. Okay weird example. But you get my point.

This book makes me mad. SO mad. Because not only do they have sex in the back of a pickup truck while Ashton’s boyfriend is out of town, BUT IT’S CHAPTER NINE. SERIOUSLY? It’s not like cheating on your  boyfriend is ever okay, but maybe if it were in the heat of the moment or something huge had happened it would be easier for me to forgive the main character. But this is honestly what went through her head:

Ashton: lol my grandma died omg i’m crying wow that was exhausting two tears leaked out never sobbed that hard in my life omg. lol i’m feeling horny and Beau is hot lol bye guys i need a distraction otherwise i’ll cry like a half-tear more. omg this grief is terrible omg.

So then she goes to wear Beau is working, and he’s of course shirtless. And she engages in a steamy makeout session that had me double checking that this was actually teen fiction and not adult fiction. It got pretty intense and I was like okay guys you can stop now. Do you think you could maybe separate for like 0.2 seconds thanks. Then they reunite that night and like drive out to some beach that Sawyer never goes to for some reason and they just have sex. She does not take a minute and think “Whoa, I still have a boyfriend. MAYBE I SHOULDN’T CHEAT ON HIM!11!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!11″= So she just cheats on Sawyer no regrets. And when Sawyer finally comes back, you know why she feels bad? Not that she cheated on him, or that she shattered his heart or even that she might have robbed him of his ability to love and trust, no of course not! She feels bad because she might be ruining his friendship with Beau.

THAT GIF IS ACTUALLY SO TERRIFYING OMG I’M CRYING COULD IT NOT OH MY GOD THE CAPTION ON THIS IS YOU CAN’T SPELL SLAUGHTER WITHOUT LAUGHTER HELP I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN

So anyways, that gif was actually me though when I had to read about Ashton’s stupidity. So Sawyer comes back and obviously they break up and it’s the most predictable story ever and it sucked.

And the author of course tried to add an element of meaningfulness to the story, which is her grandma’s death. Maybe if Ashton spent more than two minutes being sad about her grandma then it’d mean something. But no, she used it as an excuse to lose her virginity to her boyfriend’s brother. Oops lookie here I just spoiled something! Yep, you heard me! Beau is actually Sawyer’s BROTHER. Yes, that’s right! All the characters are absolutely positively screwed up! Yay! Man I have no regrets about spoiling this for you because it SUCKED. In an attempt to keep this book from being 100% the author’s sexual fantasies, she tried to add other elements that failed.

 

So out of five faces, this book gets….

*drumroll*

ZERO!

oh.

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2 thoughts on “The Vincent Boys by Abbi Glines

  1. I could’ve told you how bad it is. Everyone is predictable and boring I mean the most fun was at the beginning before my dreams based off of the synopsis was crushed and at the end where I cried….tears of joy.

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