Blackmoon Beginnings by Kaitlyn Hoyt

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Large gorgeous men, a hidden race, and a magical secret.

Ryanne Arden was on track to being Stormfield High School’s Valedictorian. Being the shy, quiet studious type, she’s always done her own thing. That all changed when a drunk man decided to get behind the wheel of a car. With the death of her mother, Ryanne is suddenly more alone than she’s ever been. With no friends or family to turn to, a local woman named Jane offers to help Ryanne in her time of need.

With graduation looming ahead of her, eighteen year old Ryanne must get her act together if she wants to get out of the small town of Stormfield, Maine and away from her painful memories.

Meeting the attractive Colton Wagner, changes everything. He awakes something in Ryanne that even she didn’t know she had. Magic. With her life suddenly thrown upside down, Ryanne has been thrust into a world completely unbeknown to her.

Being the only non-mage to ever gain magic, paints a target on Ryanne’s back. She’s the girl the whole mage world has been searching for. It has been prophesized for thousands of years that a young non-mage female would put an end to the chaos created by rogue mages, the Gadramicks. Their manipulative leader, Dravin, will do anything within his power to prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled.

Finding out that she’s an intricate part to ending a supernatural war, Ryanne has the weight of all mages on her shoulders. With the help of Colton and his family, along with a healer, a dream-walker, and a loud-mouthed mage, Ryanne sets out on the journey of a lifetime. Can she overcome her insecurities and do what is needed of her or will she lose her identity behind the magic inside of her?

BlackMoon Beginnings is part one in the four-part Prophesized Series

So a few things kind of bothered me before I started this book.

1. The fact that the synopsis is three hundred words.

2. The cover looks pretty lame, sorry not sorry. Like that flame thing on her neck is just terrible editing. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be.

3. The title of the book. And yeah I know it’s bad to judge a book by it’s title, but I mean, Blackmoon Beginnings, really? And blackmoon isn’t even one word and aslkgasjl;fsdk

4. It says something about the girl’s insecurities, and I really hate those books. The one where the girl is “ugly” amidst gorgeous people and is super insecure and hates the way she looks. I cannot STAND reading about the inspiring search the girl goes through to finally think she’s pretty.

I wasn’t exactly sold on the novel, and I wouldn’t have gotten it on my Nook, except it was free. That should’ve been another warning sign. But alas, I decided to give it a try. All the reviews I read were saying they don’t usually read self-published books (ANOTHER WARNING), but this one was refreshing and good and blah blah blah. So I thought why not give it a shot, right? I started the first page.

“School. That place where we are forced to go five out of seven days a week.”

That writing is disgusting.

Continuing on (I’m skipping around by the way):

“School is my purgatory right now and all I want is to be set free.”

Well I mean the point of purgatory is to be cleansed and ready for Heaven, so I don’t think that’s really the right word there Kaitlyn, but you do your thing.

“It is the Friday before the last week of school and while most teachers slowly start tapering off their agendas…”

Too many unnecessary words.  AND THAT TENSE CHANGE IS JUST AWKWARD.

One other issue Kaitlyn has is including unnecessary random facts. Do you think J.R.R. Tolkien would’ve gotten anywhere if he stopped to describe each dwarf’s shoe of the day, or what exact shade of grey Gandolf’s robes were? No, and that’s exactly where Kaitlyn’s going: nowhere. She adds random facts thinking it adds depth to the story when we actually couldn’t care less that Ryanne’s converse are green and Jane doesn’t like shoes in the house.

OKAY AND SHE DOES THAT ANNOYING THING WHERE:

I am mad.

That is not true.

She is all I have.

He is gorgeous.

I know that’s not a big deal bUT If you want to talk like a teenager you have to use conjunctions. We don’t talk with British accents (that’s the only way you can pull them off), and we aren’t from the time where everyone talked like that.

The writing in this book is so terrible, it just hurt.

“I couldn’t find an icepack, but here’s the Advil. Is she hurt?” inquires a deep voice that I’m assuming belongs to Colton.

Without moving from my current position I answer, “I’m fine.” I don’t feel fine, but I don’t want any more attention than is necessary.

“Well you don’t look fine,” he retorts.

“Colton, leave the girl alone.”

Whoa there! Colton is off his rocker!!1!!  Colton’s had enough, he’s on a rampage!!!1! Colton you leave that girl alone you menace!! What a terrible thing to say!!!1!!

So why does this bother me? Kaitlyn’s use of the word “retort.” Does she actually think that’s a retort? Wow Colton so feisty! And the girl doesn’t want more attention than was necessary? YOU WERE JUST ALMOST HIT BY A CAR SHUT UP WHAT DO YOU EXPECT AND WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT YOU WERE ALMOST JUST H I T B Y A C A R.

And these dialogues! THEY’RE GIVING ME CANCER BECAUSE I JUST CANNOT HANDLE.

“It takes everything in me not to let out a girly sigh at the attractiveness of this man. Talk about awkward…”

STOP.

“How do you know my name?” I ask slowly trying to keep my obvious embarrassment out of my voice.

“We go to the same school.” His straightforward answer baffles me.

WhaT. WhY. THat’s NOT EVEN. I JUST. His straightforward answer baffles me. HE JUST SAID HE GOES TO YOUR SCHOOL WHY IS THAT CONFUSING AND WHY IS IT SO WEIRD THAT HE’D BE THAT “sTRAIGHTFORWARD” I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

So then Ryanne almost gets hit by a car but the wind pushes her out of the way or something and she just goes and tells that to people. WHY. Why would you openly tell anyone the wind pushed you to safety? Do you WANT to be locked up in an asylum?

So then there’s this hot guy and she’s watching him even though she’s obviously there and obviously staring and he obviously knows. But she’s watching him, so “I must have made a noise, for he turns around and catches me staring.” That girl must have some pent up hormones because if she can’t look at a guy for two seconds without moaning there’s definitely something going on down there. (ew)

So because she’s insecure and annoying as hell, the checkout process with this hot guy leaves her blushing like crazy. SHE’S JUST BUYING A BOOK AJLFSDKHSJKDFAJ IT’S NOT THAT BLUSH-WORTHY.

“I am suddenly overcome by a feeling of sadness.”

Now I’m the one groaning, and it sure isn’t from pent up hormones.

So I got to page twenty-three, and it was so unbearable that I had to skip forward to see if it got better. If anything, it got worse.

“I hear the sound of chairs scraping in the kitchen, so I have a feeling that the guys are trying to listen in.”

STOP. She’s implying that guys are trying to listen on this girl chat she’s having with her friend when in reality guys do not care at all.

“I turn around and look at him, but he is looking elsewhere.”

WHY. WHY. JUST STOP WRITING.

“Nothing is wrong specifically.”

stop

“Because of how I’m sitting, I can see him clearly.”

nO

Okay and Ryanne really has issues, because she’s all heartsick over this one guy but she’s ALWAYS sitting in this other dude’s lap and they’re always touching. She doesn’t even like him sO why does she always need to sit on his lap? And half of this book is just teenage drama. I want to slap everyone in the face and tell them to stop being so damn annoying.

AHAHAHA I’M DYING AT THIS PART LISTEN OKAy so on Ryanne’s mirror this girl wrote in red lipstick about this guy she lusts over: GET OUT OF MY WAY. HE’S MINE.

IS THIS DISNEY CHANNEL? Even Disney Channel wouldn’t stoop that low, OH GOD IT HURTS. IT HURTS ME SO BADLY. WHY?? And the room was trashed and a picture was broken and REALLY? PLEASE STOP.

“Did you get my message?” SAYS THE GIRL IN CHARGE OF THIS HORRIFYING ACT.

“Are you freaking kidding me?” I CAN FEEL YOUR ANGER RYANNE I CAN REALLY FEEL IT. OVERWHELMING.

“And now you’ll listen to my warning.” Whoo!! Whoa there!! That’s some intense threat!!!1!!

“There is no oxygen going into my lungs so I slump to the ground” Wow! Astute connection there!

“Nope, I’d rather see how long it takes for all the blood to rush to my head and I pass out.” That’s Ryanne saying she’d rather do that than watch a movie, but the thing is, she actually isn’t kidding. And they just laugh, but they know she isn’t kidding. SHE’S NOT KIDDING. I don’t get this author or this character or any of these characters. Or this book, or why this author thought self-publishing was a good idea. She REALLY needs an editor to look at it.

So then Ryanne uses some magic to overturn some chair this guy was gonna sit in and they’re all like “oh you’re so devious Ryanne!!!1!! Such badassery!!!”  Stop.

And then they’re watching a movie and Ryanne looks up and realizes everyone’s watching her and this guy (WHOSE LAP SHE IS CURRENTLY SITTING UPON) and she asks if she disturbed the movie and they respond saying it’s been over for a few minutes. SO basically they’ve all been staring at her and this kid talking and if that’s not weird or uncomfortable I don’t know what is.

I’m starting to get a headache from wearing my hair so tight in the ponytail. Pulling my hair out of it, I shake my head and run my fingers through my almost waist-length hair, trying to tame it. Handing the ponytail to Emma, I realize that I’m being watched.

“What?”

“It’s like a freaking shampoo commercial. How the heck do you do it?” Emma asks.

“Do what?”

“I’m a completely straight girl and I’m attracted to you right now. I don’t want to know what these guys are thinking.”

“Well I could tell you what they’re thinking.” I myself want to know. I don’t understand what she’s getting at.

“Please don’t,” says Colton, shaking his head.

“I second that,” agrees Liam. Logan just nods.

“Okay…I don’t really know what just happened there, but I’m going to go change.”

She’s so, so stupid! She doesn’t understand what she’s getting at. She’s such an idiot, and again, GUYS DO NOT REACT THAT WAY. They wouldn’t say “please don’t” and be so annoying and I just cannot do this anymore. I JUST CAN’T. HAS SHE NEVER HANDLED HUMANS BEFORE?

And I guess I totally missed the part where we learn she can read minds ooPS

So overall, this writing was horrid, and I kept sending pages of it to my friends so they could feel my pain. You couldn’t pay me to continue on in this series. This story had some potential, maybe. I mean, to be completely honest I had no idea what was going on but that’s probably because I skipped around a lot. So I can’t even tell you if the story has potential. But if it did, do you know who would’ve found it? AN EDITOR. A PUBLISHING COMPANY. No wonder you self-published this book, because NO ONE WANTED IT. Is that not a sign? I mean I shouldn’t say that because Harry Potter was rejected like nine times or something and Harry Potter is just,

it just is. It’s so good you use it for an adjective to describe other books. For example: This book was like Harry Potter level (there are few of those)

Back to this terrible book, sorry Kaitlyn, but she should not have self-published. She should’ve had people give her ideas and advice and anything, but not just published it without getting good advice. She wrote like an adult trying to write like a teenager, and the dialogue gave me a colon infection. The plot was-just kidding I can’t review the plot I don’t even know what it was. But point is, if you appreciate writing that flows and is realistic, do not pick up this book. Maybe Kaitlyn got better later in the series, but I just can’t read to see if that’s true.

So out of five faces,

Blackmoon Beginnings (BLACK MOON IS TWO WORDS, TWO) gets…

*drumroll*

ONE! (and that’s only because the plot might have been good)

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